Jack, short for Jack Attack was the first human to every get down into the secret underground mushroom kingdom. He stumbled upon it one day after he got off work one day. He left the Booze Hound Bar where he worked as a bouncer at around 2:35am and started the trek home. It really was like any other September the 17th, except that this time on his walk home he met a talking mushroom.

"I've never met a talking mushroom before" said Jack. He thought about going back to the Booze Hound Bar to tell everyone what he saw when the mushroom said, "Oh yeah, there are a lot of talking mushrooms in the Underground Mushroom Kingdom. Do you want to see it?"

"Of course I want to see it", said Jack, but Jack had no idea what he was going to see, he merely agreed as to not offend his mushroom companion. "Well alright, lets go then", said Mertle the mushroom, and off they went. Next thing Jack knew, he was surrounded by esoteric lights and pounding music, "what is this place", he asked. "This is the Fungi Boogy Room, the hottest mushroom night club this side of the Mushkin River!" "Hot damn", muttered Jack.
In the club there were creatures Jack had never imagined. Weird, deformed critters some slimy, some not danced like mad to 50 cent. Strangely colored mushrooms covered the walls and vibrated with the bass.
"This shit is Bananas!" Jack exclaimed to his new comrade.
"You ain't seen nothing yet. Bitch, follow me."
The two made there way through the crowd to the left side of the stage. Mertle the mushroom pointed to a trap door in the floor.
"Come on, Jack. We're going underground."
The two misfits crawled through a damp, dirt tunnel for what seemed like a very long time. The tunnel was pitch black and twisted downward into the earth below. Finally after Jack was exhausted he saw an orange-yellow light ahead. As they approached the light the tunnel started to widen and Jack could stand hunched over.

At the source of the light there was a widened area with an oil lamp and a table.

Jack yelled, "Oh my God, that looks like my body on the table. What the hell is going on here Mertle?!"

"Chill," said Mertle, "that is your mushroom body. It's smaller and will disguise you when we start to meet the others. The only thing we have to do is transfer your soul into the other, super mushroom body."

Jack wasn't quite sure what to think of all of this. Was he just hallucinating? Before he had time to react, a group of mushrooms swarmed around him and strapped him down into a chair. The process of transferring his soul into the super mushroom body had begun.
He only hoped that it would be as painless as humanly possible. Or would that be as painless as mushroomly possible? It was a gray area for sure. He winced as a freakishly large needle was thrust into his arm and a viscous blue goop was pumped into his vein.

It was all very sudden, what happened next. A huge figure burst through the door, and with a noise that sounded bizarrely akin to an airborne chimp, all of Joe's captor's disintegrated into purple mush. The figure strode into the room in an altogether heroic manner and pointed something long and stick-like at Joe's arm which proceeded to emit a green glow. Suddenly the blue goop seemed to have vanished from Joe's system. It was at this point that Joe decided that these kind of things happen too fast and the world really aught to slow down a bit.

Joe believed that whatever this blue goop had been, was some sort of odd drug. Joe sighed and waited. As soon as he was in the mindset to calm down, he realized that a short, fat lady had entered the room, and was calling out to him.

"Hello dearie, how may I help you?" the fat woman said in a voice that sounded more like a shriek than anything.

Joe grimaced when he heard the annoying sound leak from the old woman's mouth. "Why is she so UGLY? Couldn't they have sent a hot person at least?"
As soon as this thought flashed through Joe's mind, he was standing face to face with what seemed to be a frozen elfin creature. The shrieking old woman was nowhere to be seen, but in her place was a multicolored metallic trumpet. Joe, feeling loopy now from the effects of the blue goop, felt an intense force drawing him to pick up the trumpet. The colors glimmered, and Joe approached the trumpet with a childlike curiosity, already feeling the cool metal against his fingertips and his lips. As if he had known the song his whole life, he began to play the most entrancing melody. The colors swirled from the tip of the trumpet, dancing and flowing through the air. Soon, the whole dingy room was now filled with magical, dancing hues of deep purples and blues.

Although Joe had never played the trumpet before, he found himself, through his trance like state, playing like he had been playing his whole life. The dancing hues of purples and blues had gathered all around him forming what appeared to be a passage into another dimension. In rhythm with his trumpet playing, he stepped through the door not quite knowing what to expect, and in an instant, everything disappeared. He was standing in total darkness. The beautiful melody had stopped. His trumpet was gone. Joe, not knowing where he was, began to panic.

Suddenly, Joe heard a call from the distance, "There you are Joe, where have you been?" It was his friend Tom. He looked around and realized he was in a dark alley behind a bar and remembered he had been drinking with Tom earlier that night. Joe looked all around searching for a sign of his wild adventures of the night but couldn't find anything. "Oh well," thought Joe. I guess I should just go home. Joe left the alley and began walking home and never spoke of his strange night again.