Jeremy
was the word and the word was Jeremy. It was odd, how he managed to manifest himself out of thin air, but after several thousand years it was bound to happen.

The first thing he noticed was how long his arms were.
"Drat!" he cursed. Then, by clenching his fists very tight, his arms slowly returned to normal.
However, this process was accompanied by an unsettling noise, like a party horn being run over by a car.
Finding Jeremy a good girlfriend is such a difficult thing. He is always dating the worst girls. I can't understand how he finds the worst girls for him. First there was the girl with the mustache. Then there was the girl who had never even kissed a boy and after him became the biggest slut on campus. After her was the series of one night stands and then the "fiancee" who I never even bothered learning her name because I knew it wouldn't last. That bitch dumped him saying she couldn't marry him because "she doesn't think she was ever happy when she was with him." Who says that while breaking a guys heart? Seriously!?
After her, more one night stands. Then the Canadian. I knew I didn't like her when we all went skiing and while getting off the lift Jeremy's board caught my skis and we all fell over and they had to stop the lift. Jeremy and I couldn't even get up we were laughing too hard and the Canadian just gave us both the dirtiest look she could possibly muster. He dated her for 2 years and now she's the biggest slut in Canada.
Now he's moved onto some other girl who makes sex noises while they kiss. I didn't like her from the first second she walked into my house. Neither did Steven. But Jeremy certainly has a type. Short, skinnier than Kate Moss, black hair, skankier than Paris Hilton and crazier than Lindsay Lohan. So like I said, it's quite the process to find Jeremy a proper girl. I myself might consider him if I didn't have Steven and I weren't 3 inches taller than him.
But what do I know- I'm the biggest slut in the apartment, or so says Steven, and maybe he's right. My roommate is a very small slut. She's even smaller than Kate Moss. In fact, I think she may be dead. She hasn't eaten in weeks, as far as I know. I'd fix her up with Jeremy, but she'd just stand him up, being possibly dead and all.
Let's face it. She's kaput! And besides Jeremy is mine, all mine. He makes my mouth water and whenever I think about it I end up drooling all over. It's pretty gross, actually but what the hey...